March 4, 2003
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In lieu of doing the dishes, I’m posting on xanga. I think at this point I would rather be doing anything than the dishes. But as we all know, lacking a maid or fairies the dishes will still be there when I get done. Housework sucks big time!!!! Being out of work eliminates any and all excuses for letting the house go down hill, yet here I sit manufacturing another reason to not get it done. I detect shades of guilt…screw that!
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I asked a rather personal question of another xangan, and it got me thinking. Some have valid reasons for keeping their location and identity secret. I don’t, I could care less if anyone knows where I am or who I am. So, I will answer any and all questions. Even at the risk of embarrassing myself. I have “met” a lot of great people here, I don’t have any stalkers the way some do. And I already have plans on meeting some of you in person. (can’t wait) So people, here’s your big chance. Ask away. In the spirit of sharing I’m going to post a picture, as soon as I can find one that will scan right and upload. I may have to get my computer guru smilenow to come over and help.
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I used to have hair so long it got caught in the waistband of my pants, but I cut it all off a few years ago and sent it to locks of love. They make wigs for cancer survivors. Actually I cut it twice, the first time I sent 12″ and the second time 14″. So that gives you some idea of who I am. It was my oldest daughters idea, but I’m glad that we did it. Somewhere out there is a kid running around with our hair on their head. Funny thought isn’t it?
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Shortly after I cut it the second time and it was back down to my shoulders my brother in law died of cancer. He had been part of my family since I was 10 years old and was truly the only brother I have ever had. We got back home from the funeral in Oklahoma and I just couldn’t express my grief. I have never gone through that kind of pain. He was Choctaw Indian and in my grief and pain I decided that to honor him in the Indian way I would ritualistically chop my hair. I don’t even know if the Choctaw Indians do that, but I do know I wanted to mutilate the outside of me so it would mirror the mutilated inside. Since cutting off a digit wasn’t an option I butchered my hair. There was just enough left that my hairstylist could even it up and make me not look like a escaped freak. You know what though, every time I looked in the mirror or felt the breeze blowing on my bare neck I remembered who and why I did it, and it helped me pass through the pain. As my hair grew out I grew out of the grief that I felt. It was a visual symbol of the love I felt had been cut from my life.
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Now that I’ve depressed myself with old memories I might as well go do the dishes. Ask what you like it doesn’t matter to me. I know what I’m letting myself in for. It might be embarrassing, but you never know it might lead to great things.
Comments (10)
I love you momma! Tim’s parents are in New Orleans for Mardi Gras until Wed, and he said they may stop by to meet you and dad on their way home Wed. Just a thought, nothing definite, but maybe housecleaning motivation?? I’ll ask him about it again tonight, if I have any more minutes, which I don’t think I do except the minutes I’m reserving for you.
That’s an incredible thing to do.. I’ve heard of Locks of Love but my hair hasn’t been long enough since I heard of it for me to do it.. plus, it’s my security blanket thing, I don’t know if I could do it! But cutting your hair as an expression of grief… that’s very moving.. I hope it helped you feel lighter..
It actually did lighten my heart and lessen my grief.
thats what i should have don’t when i cut my hair. it was getting pretty long and i’m sure there was enough for a wig. the way you and emily both talk about him, i can tell he was a very loved and loving person, i wish i could have met him.
PS. rather Ironic that you should post about him today, Tim and I were just talking about him last night. crazyness!!!
He will always be an important part of our lives.
just say what i say…
“dishes are great, (inhale – exhale) washing them is better.”
Its easier if you wash everytime you dirty a dish or plate or whatever. I wonder where you live as you say you live in Yugoslavia, the other day it was Gambia now you mention America so are you in America or not. How many kids do you have and have you a guy around the place. How’s that for a few questions. I like to know the sort of person I am answering, saves upsetting anybody. Like you I don’t mind people knowing I am English born and now living in South Australia. Cheers Portia
anyplace, in general
Cutting your hair to express your grief and pain is such a beautiful gesture. I can’t even express how this has moved me. Honoring people and the impressions they have made in our lives is so special.