September 30, 2007

• the phone, me, and reaching out...

  We have what I consider a really good international phone plan.  We pick any three countries in the world and we can call any land line in that country for 2.9 cents a minute. Not bad eh? However, if we call a cell phone its .29 cents a minute, so we really try to avoid cell phones.   I try not to get to crazy regardless of the good price, especially with the bad exchange rate but yesterday turned into "reach out and touch someone" day.

  I called my mama first but didn't get an answer.

  So next was my best friend from 7th grade.   T and I met the second day our family moved into town and we became so close that people thought we were sisters.  We've never lost touch and we are still each others biggest supporter thru thick and thin.  We haven't seen each other since her and her daughters drove from Tennessee to my youngest daughters wedding which was 06/05/04 making it a date even mom can remember without to much trouble.  When she found out I'm heading home in Oct for a visit she immediately started planning on taking a Friday off from school and driving over to see me for a weekend.  She's a third grade teacher and she adores her students so I feel special that she's contemplating turning "her" kids over to a sub just so we can stay up all night laughing and talking. (Funny how teachers get about their kids)

  Then I tried to call Cassie. She's my neighbor with cancer. No answer, I felt a bit of panic but calmed myself down because there's all kinds of reasons the phone might not be answered. So I reasoned with myself and figured I'd just keep trying and not worry. Though I have to be honest and admit that when my mom didn't answer her phone I wasn't worried, I was irritated. That shows the difference in my thinking when someone is terminal. Moms' NOT sick so it's "answer the phone mom", Cassie is, so it's "Oh God please, I hope everything is okay".

  Next up mom, again.  She answered and we had a really great visit. She's planning on loading up her car and driving to see us too.  With flight time, layovers, and driving time from airport to home we'll be traveling about 20 hours which coincidentally is about how long it will take my 77 year old mom to drive from Arizona to Arkansas.    It's a little over 1300 miles from her house to ours and while I wish she would fly she doesn't want to leave her puppies.  Darn stubborn old lady. She did say she was breaking it up into two days of travel so that's good.

  The next call was to my Aunt Pearl, she called us when mom was up in Oregon a couple of weeks ago and I got to talk to all three of the crazy sisters. At the time she was having several "good" days in a row and you could tell and we had a really wonderful visit.  So I figured I better call her since mom said that she only has a couple of weeks to a couple of months left on this Earth.  Uncle Ernie told me she was asleep but he said if she woke up and found out I had called and he didn't wake her up she'd kill him.  She wasn't having a good day but she was so happy that I had called. She said that her pain meds are keeping her out of pain and that the process of dying was boring. I asked her why her kids weren't there to read to her or watch T.V. with her and she said she didn't want to bother them. I don't know my Oregon cousins well but let me tell you if my mama had terminal stomach cancer they would have to pry me from her side with a crowbar.  But I don't walk in their shoes so maybe they are doing exactly as much as they are able, emotionally and physically.  Also I know that the meds are messing with her at least some because she told me she hadn't talked to my mama since she left and I had just talked to mom and she told me she calls at least every third day, so maybe Aunt Pearl doesn't remember.   We didn't cry as much this time so maybe we are both getting more used to the idea that everytime we talk it might be the last time.  The hardest was when she asked if we were coming to Oregon. I didn't have the heart to tell her that while we are coming home to Arkansas there's no way we can also fly out to Oregon too.

  Here's a question for you. What would you say if every single time you talked to someone it could be the last time?  I'll call her again next Sat. and that conversation could once again be our last. Or there's a possibility that last nights conversation was our last, because the truth is she's on borrowed time.

  I tried Cassie again.  I was in the process of leaving a message on their answering machine when Pete picked up. They were outside and hadn't heard the phone.  Pete gave me the latest prognosis. She has two separate types of cancer and while treating the cancer in her glands the more agressive tumor in her lung grew from 3cm to 9cm and the biggest tumor in her groin grew from 2 cm to 7cm. she was given a few weeks to a few months. (Deja Vu)  I choked down the lump in my throat and when Pete gave the phone to her she was sitting in the sunshine of an early fall day with her daughter Kit Kat and enjoying a beautiful day. She was having a great day despite Fridays bad news and we talked for over a half hour.  I again asked her if she wanted me to come home early and again she said she would wait for me.  She doesn't want either of us to see or hear her like she is now but she told me these three years without us was all she could handle and she wanted to see us one more time before she went. We've known each other for 15 years and one way or another we will handle it and we will give our dear, dear friend and neighbor what she wants. We've been thru so much with each other and it just  hurts that one of the most generous and kind people I know has to go this way.  (Last week the call was not as energetic or pain free)

  Now you might think that after talking to my Aunt Pearl and Cassie I was really down and depressed but I'm just so grateful every single time I get to talk to them and tell them how much they have meant to me. I try to tell each of them a new thing that I remember that they did or said that touched my life or changed me in a positive way. I try to mail both of them a little card each week so that they know I really am thinking about them and really do care.  I try to make them laugh with some goofy thing we did together or in Aunt Pearls' case, caught me doing as a child.  I try to bring a little bit of positive into this horribly negative situation.  And above all I try to keep in the fore front of my brain that this isn't about me and I need to be strong for these strong women. They aren't dead yet and it would be foolish and demean them both if all I focus on was their imminant demise instead of the life they still have to live.  So while I do cry, I'm sad and that can't be helped, I also try to not taint my remaining time with them. So I don't try to make false futures of good times, I try to help both of them remember all the people they have helped and touched over the years. Especially easy in these two cases since Cassie was an emergency room nurse and has helped to save countless lives over the years and so has literally affected thousands of lives. And my aunt Pearl had an open door policy at her home and kept countless people off the streets because of her generous nature. I try to not let them forget when they feel as though they are alone that they aren't and we are supporting them as much as we are able.

  To answer my own question.....

  What would you say to someone if every single time you talked to someone it could be the last time? Here's my answer.

  I Love You.

   

   

  • 7:18 am
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