February 20, 2006

  • How many of you know the good about me?
    http://kevan.org/johari?name=indigolady

    How many know the bad?
    http://kevan.org/nohari?name=indigolady

    Do we really care to know what others think of us?  Truly? 
    The thing is, it is so easy to hear people tell you that your kind or
    giving or blah, blah, blah.  But the not so nice things....well
    that's a whole different proposition.  I'm not saying I want you
    to walk up to me and tell me what a bitch you think I am. 
    That isn't so nice and not very productive to boot.  But if your
    told in a non-confrontational way some of your bad traits then you can
    work on them.  Or I should say I can work on them. 
    Notice I put the good one up to.  That's so that after the
    trashing you give me I can go look at all my nice traits too.  I
    know they are there...lol. 

    And here's what I truly think.  I would rather you be honest than
    nice.  Or if you just have no clue then don't do it at all. 
    After all its a blog not life and death.

    Thanks to Mystic for showing me where to find a johari.  I won't
    link her because she didn't say I could, but she does get my thanks and
    the credit.

February 1, 2006

  • I stole this from someone....I just don't remember who.  I'm all
    for giving credit where it's due so if I stole this from YOU, please
    let me know so I can link you.

    The ABC's of me.....


    A    . Age, mine is 44. You'd think I'd be more mature wouldn't you?

    B    . Books, I read from 5 to 10 books a month. Depending on the size of
    the book.  I have a weakness for fantasy fiction, but I read
    "good" ones too.  My best friend used to tease me because when I
    run out of books I read the encyclopedia.  I love all books
    fiction and non-fiction.  If its in print I'll give it a shot.
    That 5 to 10 doesn't  include the 5 magazines I subscribe to as
    well.

    C    .  Car. I dream of owning a sleek dark green 2 seater Jag
    convertible,  me and my man flying down the highway with the wind in
    my hair and the sun on my face.

    D    . Daughters: Two, my heart, my life, my everything.  I am so
    proud of both of them it hurts.  I love both of them so much it
    hurts.  Damn! I miss my daughters.  Just had to grow up and
    move out didn't you.....lol

    E    . Elizabeth....me.  I have always loved my name, I think it's classy. thanks mom.

    F    . Fears. I'm afraid of heights.  Since I know it's irrational,
    I'm  working on it by forcing myself to go up high. Sometimes it
    works sometimes it doesn't.  What's really odd it's not like the
    higher I go the scary it gets.  I have been on cliffs higher than
    2 or 300 feet and been less scared than in a 3 story building.  It
    all depends and I never know when it will hit.

    G    . GOD, way more important to me than people realize.  I believe in God and prayer.

    H    . Hell, I believe in that too, but I don't worry because I will be in the best h.... Heaven.

    I    .  Ice cream. Summer or Winter there's usually ice cream in the
    freezer.  Vanilla is my fave but it needs to be a really good
    vanilla.   I also love Jamoca Almond Fudge.  Yum

    J    . Jeans, my pants of choice even though I know slacks look classier.

    K    . Kingdom of Loathing, my own private addiction.  It's pop
    culturetastic and ridiculous in a good way.  I spend way to much
    time in the chat channels and when I'm neglecting xanga you can usually
    blame it on KoL. I'm thinking of making a new character by the name of
    thischicksaloon.  as in "this chicks a loon" not "this chick
    saloon" (whew, I just came out)

    L    . Lonely, I get so lonely here, being isolated by language and away
    from friends and family that sometimes I feel I'm in solitary. 
    Then it goes away.   Oh and get this.  I finally figured
    out why none of the army women will try and be friendly. 
    They  think because of my age that I am an officer
    wife....ha,ha.  ME! an officers wife. to funny. 

    M    . mumps. I never had any childhood illness.  I never had measles,
    mumps, chicken pox nothing.  Now Drs. freak if I come in contact
    with them because they're much more deadly for an adult.

    N    . nocturnal. I think I was born that way.

    O    . Observant, sometimes I'm not at all and that really bothers
    me.  So I make a point to be and then after a little while it just
    gets forgotten until the next embarrassing faux pas of
    non-observance.  Like when I didn't even notice my own husband had
    shaved until he rubbed his bare chin pointedly.  Hello! open your
    eyes.

    P    . Parties, I love 'em.  Not the get drunk and puke kind. 
    The kind with good friends, food and conversation.  (peace, I want
    world peace SO bad)

    Q    . Quarter horse, someday I'm going to own one.  That's all there is to that.

    R    . Running.  If I ever have to run for my life I'm a dead woman. I
    have a bad knee and after falling down the stairs last year a weak
    ankle.  Yup, a dead woman.

    S    .
    Sunshine. I was born in the sunny South and raised in the even sunnier
    West.  If it rains for more than 10 days I start getting
    crazy.  Probably why I loved living in my other S Spain so
    much.  Because, "The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plains."
    It's true.
    T. Truth, tell it to me even if it hurts.  I'll get over the hurt but not the lie.
    U.
    Umbilical, I don't think mine was ever cut, which is really awkward
    since both my kids think the same thing and that may be why I'm such a
    klutz.  Always trippin' over those three cords.
    V.
    Vanity, I am vain and I admit it, which is why I go to the gym 3 times
    a week and have started Pilates for beginners on the opposite 3
    days.  (yeah Kat I finally broke out the dvd.)
    W.
    Wander I adore a good wander.  If it were up to me I would wander
    all over the world.  I cannot think of one place I wouldn't be
    thrilled at wandering around in. AND wisdom. Of which apparently I was
    born without as in teeth. yup, not one wisdom tooth, my mom was
    thrilled, as you can imagine.  I also happen to have 4 baby
    teeth.  The dentist always announces this like it's going to be
    news to me. "YOU have BABY teeth." 
    X.
    xanga of course. Without which L would be even worse.  Without
    which I would be so less blessed by knowing you, my friends and family
    of choice.
    Y. Youngest, I am the youngest in my family, they say that's why I'm such an attention whore. 
    Z.
    Zombie my favorite Cranberries song. Zucchini, my favorite squash. Fried
    please not boiled. Zodiac, Aries, explains a lot doesn't it. And last
    but not least Zinnias, I love Zinnias not for their scent (icky) but
    because they are so colorful and are such long lasting cut flowers.

    There now you have my ABC's, won't you play along with me.

January 30, 2006

  •                                                                                              
                              It's garbage day!

    Thought I would give all you ladies with men who bitch
    about taking out the garbage a little ammunition.  And for those
    of you living the single life, is it really all that bad?  Garbage
    day could be worse.

    Normally here in our building each tenant pays another designated
    tenant a certain amount of euro each month and they pay the total
    garbage bill.  But were special.  We can't do that it's way
    to frickin hard to figure out what goes in each of the 5 cans and when
    its your month to take them out to the curb.  It's also way to
    hard to figure out when the money is due and who is collecting for that
    month.  See now me I would think it would be whoever takes it out
    that month well its their turn to collect.....I wouldn't know because
    we have never been able to get on the building chore list so we don't
    pay anything to anyone and therefore our garbage is our problem. 
    Also you do have separate recycling days on top of it so beats me what
    the exact system is but it would be nice to get clued in (I'm working
    on it believe me.)  So in lieu of taking our garbage down 2
    flights of stairs and dropping it in a can here's what we get to do
    instead. 

    We take it down two flights of stairs, carry it about a block to
    the car.  Spread plastic in back of car, load trash and
    recycling.  Start car drive about 8 k to the post. Go through
    security.  Drive clear around post to recycling area.  Sort
    and pat self on back for not just taking the easy way and tossing it
    all in the dumpster.  Go over to dumpster unload rest of
    car.  Try to drive to nearest public bathroom to wash all the
    nasty off of
    hands without touching the steering wheel of the car.  Go to mail box hoping against hope to get something
    besides airmail.  Check library for newest arrivals. Pffftttt
    waste of time miltary cut backs.  Avoid PX like plague cause I
    really don't need anything, yet I never seem to leave empty
    handed.  Give up the wasting time and trying to act like we had a
    reason for coming on post other than garbage day and go back
    home.  And yes, most of the last two months has been in the teens
    temp wise
    so it is no picnic weather wise either.  Of course Summer bring
    its own smelly part to the little trip so before it gets here again I
    would love to know the system. 
    I'm working on it.....why couldn't I be one of those people with an ear for languages?

January 25, 2006

  • There is a blessed feeling you get when you look over and your husband is giving you a look.
    not THAT look....not that irritated one either.

    The one where you see him looking at you and you can't quite place what
    he's thinking...so you ask.  And he says "you are so beautiful."

    Never mind that you haven't combed your hair yet and your in your
    pajamas.  Skip that you weren't even paying him a bit of
    attention. You wonder for a brief nano-second who is this man? and
    where's my husband? 

    It hits you right in the solar plexus.  This feeling. 

    If you haven't felt it, you know and you need to keep looking until you
    find the man that makes you feel this way.  If you have felt it,
    then you know exactly what I'm talking about and I don't need to say
    anymore. 

January 23, 2006

  • I was surfing Xanga and found some early 20-somethings debating about
    whether it is better to be community minded and responsible for their
    fellow man first or is it better to be self-productive, think of
    yourself first and foremost and share whatever is leftover.  In the
    theory that what you have leftover is better because you have thought
    of yourself first so have the best there is to give.  Well, it
    wasn't my debate so I didn't get into with a bunch of strangers who
    might feel like all I wanted was a flame war, but of course I have an
    opinion and you get to read it, unless you navigate away immediately.

    navigate away now.....okay, you were warned.

    It is my belief and humble opinion that we are responsible not only for
    ourselves but for our less fortunate brothers and sisters.  I
    think we have a responsibility to the care and feeding of our fellow
    man and should share what we have freely and without restraint. 
    Better leftovers?  They are still leftovers and you are taking
    away from yourself and the person you are offering this charity to if
    that is all your offering.  I wouldn't want your leftover caviar
    and champagne, I would much rather have that jar of peanut butter and a
    helping hand to get out of the situation. 
    That is actually part
    of the reason why I support Heifer International.  They give a
    helping hand to people but at the same time they are teaching people
    how to be self-sufficient and fostering a whole new chain of 
    giving within the own community.  They don't take away pride by
    turning you into a lifelong charity case. 
    This leads me to a direct indictment of most of the American Welfare
    system.  That system and I are in complete disagreement about how
    to operate but of course the gov't didn't ask me how to run
    things.  But honestly why would you want to live a hard life
    working at a minimum wage job and struggling to pay bills month after
    month. When you could just let the gov't pay your way.  There were
    plenty of times when I thought I must be all kinds of stupid for doing
    exactly that. 
    I'll never forget when Arkansas started the child health insurance.
    (now common throughout the U.S.)  We were so excited that our kids
    would be covered and routine visit to the dentist and doctor wouldn't
    have to be planned out like a D-Day invasion.  Then to our
    amazement when we applied we were told our monthly income was over the
    top limit.  I got the chart and looked and sure enough we
    were.........by $10.00.
    This presented us with several choices.  I could ask my boss to
    reduce my already pitiful salary by ten dollars a month to
    qualify.  Or I could just quit my job and then we would qualify
    not only for free health care for our children but we would qualify for
    food stamps, free school lunches, and all school fees would be
    waved.  This would save us hundreds of dollars.  It would
    have been so easy to do that, sit back and accept the hand-out. 
    But you know the bottom line is we didn't want a hand-out we wanted a
    helping hand.  Just for a little while, just until we got where we
    were headed.  It was and still is an absurd thing that we were
    working out tails off and poorer than the people on all the gov't
    "help" and it is still a weird source of pride that we didn't cave into
    the pressure and be on the dole for years just because they made it so
    easy to be.
    My kids know we were living tight but they also knew then as they do
    now that there were plenty of people who had it worse.  They
    usually brought them home.  Either through a combination of awful
    parents or just no where to go we had a lot of flow thru family. 
    A little food and a little friendship and understanding goes a long
    way.  We also always tried to give to the local food banks and
    "adopted" kids at Christmas.  And I also tried to give to other
    national and international charitable organizations.  I hope that
    I have taught them that
    their family is not limited to a specific chain of DNA.  I hope
    that when they give they do it with a free hand to all their brothers
    and sisters throughout the world. 
    So yes, I believe we are responsible for all the "ugly, disagreeable,
    undeserving, lazy,"
    people in the world. (sarcasm there,  but I hope you take the time
    to click on the colored links)   But I don't give hand
    outs.  If you want a hand UP then I'm your girl.  And don't
    tell me you don't have any money to spare.  For years I didn't
    have any money so I did what I could through volunteering.  Girl
    Scouts, The local nursing home, the literacy foundation, etc. 
    Most
    organization are just as desperate for a pair of hands as they are for
    a dollar bill.  Do what you can when you can.  This is what
    comes of my surfing....I sometimes think I take things a tad
    personal.  Oh well.  Have a great Tues.

January 19, 2006

  • well, shall we start.
    It's amazing the things you can accustom yourself to.  I have
    apparently grown accustomed to only having 2 English language channels
    on T.V.  One is LPTV or more commonly known as MTV.  In case
    your wondering LP stands for Lame Pop.  Much more appropriate
    don't you think?  The other is CNN/Europe.   Now I know
    a lot of people love MTV but they play the same crap over and over ad
    nausea until you have to change to CNN.  Which also loops the same
    "news" over and over ad nausea. 

    What's really bad is how catchy some of the music is, I always
    know  I need to get out when I find myself singing .....This is
    the Black Eyed Peas in case your wondering  (and don't think Bear isn't appalled that I know this, he's just old, lol)
                                                      
    "What you gon'
    do with all that junk?
                                                 
           All that Junk inside your trunk?
                                                      
     
    Ima' get, get, get, get, you drunk,
                                                 
           Get you drunk off my hump,
                                                  
          My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
                                                     
      
    My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely
                                                      
     
    little lumps.(check it out)"

    I hate to be critical but, I ask you, what genius wrote those lyrics? 
    In retaliation I play the media player on the computer which is hooked into our stereo, I start with "O Fortuna" really loud.  A brain purge.  Though when I hear it I don't think of the movie "Glory" (1989) I think of "Excalibur"  (1981)
    all those knights in shining armor riding thru the apple blossoms on
    their way to war.  That immediately makes me feel better so I'm
    able to restrain myself from the bullet in the brain cure.  By the
    time my classic at the movies cd is done I feel appropriately
    uplifted.  Then I go back to my more normal Led Zeppelin or Janis
    Joplin. Maybe some Cult, POD or 7 Mary 3,  with a little EmmyLou
    Harris or Kasey Chambers on the side.  Hmm, eclectic?  Oh
    well you like the songs you like right? 

    CNN on the other hand just depresses me most of the time.  It was CNN fault that I recently adopted geese, chickens and part of some tree seedlings.  Zhenai reminded me how much I admire this particular charity. 
    Bear is gonna kill me if I don't quit doing stuff like that.
    I did like the story of Owen and Mzee. 
    A good love story is hard to beat and I don't care who you are it's
    just sweet that the old man adopted Owen.  It still doesn't change
    the fact that they play the same stories over and over, then reedit
    and play them again.  Same news, same reporter, different
    configuration.  Then God forbid a crisis happens because that is
    all they will play for the next 3 weeks. (that seems to be the standard
    milking time) So we change the name CNN to  "The Tsunami Channel,
    then the Pope Channel, the
    Katrina/Rita Channel then most recently the earthquake channel". 
    I
    am not hard hearted but really is nonstop coverage of nothing but that
    necessary?  I really think this is how people get inured to
    tragedy.  And can somebody tell me why ALL of the news is
    bad.  I swear when they told about Owen and Mzee it was the first
    good news I had heard in a week.

    That's all, I'm done.  Rant or whatever you might call it, over. 

    In other news: 
    I'm still smoke free and Bear quit on the 30th of Dec.  so yay for us.
    My cold or whatever it was is finally gone except for the cough.  But I feel so much better I almost don't care.
    I got all 7 boxes and 2 cards ready to mail and may get them actually
    mailed tomorrow.  (Sorry Lise and Allie, I'm a failure at
    correspondence in a timely manner.)((Not that all of them are for you
    two.))
    I almost forgot, I bought a pilates dvd.  I was going to start it
    today but luckily for me something better came up.  Whew, that was
    a close one. 

    Hope everyone has a great day.

December 30, 2005

  • Mike and I went out to the edge of town so he could play with his
    Christmas present.  He bought himself a fancy shmancy digital
    camera that has so many buttons I probably couldn't work it with the
    instruction book in my hand.  Mine may be digital but all I do is
    point and shoot.  Whatever comes out is either planned or
    lucky.  Sometimes both.



    Case in point.

    I
    wanted a picture that would show how monochromatic it gets here in
    Winter.  Sometimes when I'm out walking in the woods, all of the
    green is covered up with snow and it's like I've stepped into a black
    and white movie.



    I know this isn't a perfect picture and it would never make it against
    a professional photographers work but I like it.  So then Mike and
    I were talking about how so many pictures in Winter look blue, ethereal
    almost.  Well it was getting on towards late afternoon and sure
    enough it started to get blue.  So I took this.....













    I like this, it shows how blue it really was.  And because its so
    vertical.  The road, the trees.  I think way to much about my
    pictures. 

    Shall we digress?

    Okay here goes.



    I hope everyone had a good Christmas. I hope you were able, even if
    only for a little while, to remember how lucky you are in your
    life.  Everytime I start to feel sorry for myself I remember what
    my dad used to say when I was a little girl.



    " I felt bad because I had no shoes until I met the man that had no feet."



    My honey Bear and I decided to not get each other anything for
    Christmas this year.  We have each other and really everything
    else that we need.  So this year our money that we would have
    spent on each other went     here
    instead.  Because lets face it....we have SO much more than even
    on a good day these people will ever have.  Also, we knew the kids
    would get us something and so would our friends.  Sure enough we
    ended up with 6 bottles of excellant vintage wine.  3 German (2 whites and 1 red), 2
    Italian (both red) and 1 French also a red.  Man I LOVE our friends.  Also the kids
    box arrived and was full of goodies, like  wonderful chocolates
    and  a great dvd, and other equally diverse and entertaining
    things, like the "Big Little Book Of Playboy Party Jokes".  
    No they aren't all really dirty.  For instance here's one.....

    We've heard of a new low in community standing: A man whose credit
    rating is so bad even his cash isn't accepted.   
    (insert groan here)

    or this on the workplace....

    "Who," raged the angry boss. "told you that just because I've kissed
    you a few times you could loaf around the office and not work?" 

    "The company attorney." answered his personal assistant. 



    So now I've digressed so much that my writing muse has flown out the
    window in horror.  I would say I'll write more later but I've
    noticed that my blogging has slipped to every couple of weeks no matter
    my intentions.  So maybe if I quit saying that I'll get back into
    the groove.  Thanks for all the really wonderful cards.  You
    guys are the absolute best there is to offer. 



    tiny edit, since     Goose asked.

    Neither picture has been re-touched in anyway.  So no, it's not
    black and white, it really is that monchromatic.  Also for your
    viewing pleasure, if you click on the image it will get bigger. 
    See why I love Goose, she makes me feel so talented and special. 
    Thanks Girl.

December 15, 2005

  • Thisis the scarf that Kat made for me.  The picture does not dojustice to the beautiful colors.  Neither do I.  I must loveyou guys considering I would take a picture of myself when I have acold and feel like crap.  Not to mention the whole no makeup thinggoing on there.  We just won't mention that at all.  Howincredibly soft and warm this scarf is, that I will mention and I willalso say THANK YOU KAT, one more time.  And no she didn't send mea matching hat.  I asked for a long thin scarf and some ofthe German ladies I know have some really interesting ways to wrap ascarf.  This is one of them.  I don't wear it like thisthough because I have a black hat I wear.


    I like this picture better, ha, hah!  I wonder why?





    Onto Christmas cards.  I got really cracked up when I realized thatevery card we have gotten so far is from a xangan.  How fun! I really liked the one goose sent because I have a "thing" aboutnutcracker teeth.  (They're scary)   But this little guyisn't scary.  He's smart!  You gotta admire that in asquirrel.  But I'm wondering how he buttoned his pants?

    I'm not surprised that we didn't get cards from my 3sisters.  All 3 are in the middle of moving or helping someonemove.  Aunt C.J just moved from California to Kansas.  Aunt Lis in the process of moving from Illinois to N.W. Arkansas and Aunty Nis helping her daughter in law move from Arizona to N.W.Arkansas.  So since they are all in transit they areforgiven.  I have no such excuse and warn everyone now that if Ihave your address and sent you a card you will probably get it justbefore the new year.  I say this because I mailed them yesterdayand since they have to come from the Army post in Germany to eitherCanada or the States all of them will more than likely belate.   However the cards I sent have drawings of real placesin Germany and I've been to them all so I thought that made them extraspecial.  (for me anyway) I have no idea how "special" they willbe to you who get them.  By the way a little warning now.  Ihave always described my handwriting as a third grade scrawl.  Butthey come from a friend and from the heart so just get a translator ifyou can't decipher the message.

    On to Stuttgart....................

    Remember the head cold I mentioned?......

    Kind of appropriate don't you think?

    I love art.  Some may not think this IS art and Iadmit to looking at some sculptures or paintings and thinking or evensaying "what the hell?"  But this was just cool.  I would putthis in my front yard.  And grass would never even cover thepedestal and ivy would never come near those big bronze eyes.  Iguess I'm just weird that way. 

December 7, 2005

November 16, 2005

  • If you cheat in a dream is it still cheating?

    Ha, ha.  I know what your thinking....your thinking I had a wet
    dream and it wasn't with my old man.  You'd be wrong.  But I
    do love the way you think.

    Nope, I dreamed I was smoking.  Which must mean that
    sub-consciously all the old bad habits and triggers are still
    there.  I hate that, but I hate worse all the things about my life
    that "having a smoke" controlled.   I quit though, and I'm
    still quit and I haven't cheated, at least not while I was awake. 
    I'm so proud of me, childishly proud. 

    This is sad so quit reading now if you want:
    Last Friday was Veterans Day, Armistice Day in France.  We had a
    three day weekend so we went to the Verdun Battlefields. 
    WWI.................June 28 1914 to November 11, 1918  11:00 P.M.
    I
    knew of Verdun, I just didn't know any details.  In and around
    Verdun there are 43 French, 29 German and 2 American cemeteries. There
    are 153,969 identified people in those cemeteries.  This is a
    picture of the French National cemetery and Ossuary at Douamont. 
    This Ossuary contains bones from over 130,000 French and German
    soldiers who couldn't be identified.  That is just one ossuary
    there are others.  It is still considered one of the bloodiest
    battles in history.  Nine villages were completely wiped off the
    Earth, never to be rebuilt.  The land along the front is still
    riddled with mines and unexploded shells. The ground is still
    pockmarked with trenches and deep mine craters.  It is a place
    that makes you sad.  It is a place where even though 87 years have
    passed since the war ended you can still see ghosts of the dead. 
    You can feel the cost of war.  We went to some of the forts that
    were so hotly contested.  Sometimes being shelled for 10 or 12
    hours non-stop.  Day after day, month after month.  The French countryside is so beautiful and quiet,
    it's hard to imagine how hellish it must have been. 
    Reading about spending 10 days next to a man blown in half is quite
    different than being there in that trench.  Seeing the green grass
    cover the shell holes and then seeing the pictures from a day or so
    after they were made, a lunar landscape covered in blood and body
    parts. 
    We went in silence from place to place.  When we talked it was in
    hushed voices.  And to either side of us on this Armistice day we
    heard German, French and English.  All of us come together in this
    place of war to remember the sacrifice these men made for their
    country.  Some not even understanding why.  Fighting only
    because their country called on them to do so.
    I remember in the
    movie Forest Gump when
    he is in Vietnam and his best friend is dying, Bubba
    says "Forest, why did this happen?" and then just before he dies in his
    best friends arms he says "I want to go home".  In how many wars,
    in how many
    countries over how many centuries has man said while dying in a war not
    fully understood, I want to go
    home?  No matter how justified a war is there is always a
    cost.  There is always a price paid with the blood of our men and
    women.  In the case of the battle of Verdun, France the cost was
    an entire generation of men dead.  For a few miles of land more
    than 500,000 died, I find that incredibly sad.   Someday we
    will all understand the futility of our endeavors, I hope then we can
    live in peace.  Honestly though I don't see it happening in my
    lifetime.