February 17, 2008

• Has everyone heard of Locks of Love?  It’s a charity with a unique mission. This is from their own mission statement.  

  return a sense of self, confidence and normalcy to children suffering from hair loss by utilizing donated ponytails to provide the highest quality hair prosthetics to financially disadvantaged children.

  I have donated hair to this charity twice before, this third time I have before and after pictures.

  Of course when Allison took this pictures I don’t think she thought it would be the last one of my long hair. At least the last one for a few years.  She was just taking a picture of the ruined church.

  I love the church by the way.

  I don’t know if I can explain this or not but until I cut my hair my grief was choking me.  Daily. 

  I cut it off when I cut my hair.  I don’t know why it helps but it does.  It’s as if with every snip of the scissors my heart feels lighter, like the pain is being cut.  I’m not explaining this well at all but believe me when I tell you it’s the only time my Native American ancestry comes to the fore.  When my brother in law died and I grieved and mourned for months and could not seem to move on….I cut my hair. That was the second time I donated to Locks of love.  The first time was just a haircut, even though the foot I cut off is longer than most people allow their hair to get. In total I have given them about 40 inches or 101cm, give or take an inch or 2.  This time I didn’t really even know what I was doing, it was as if it was weighing me down and I would never get this burden lifted. I was sick to death of the weight of the whole thing,  I was just so sad all the time. Crying almost nightly for Aunt Pearl or Cassie or my Uncle Sherman.  It was the most awful six months ever.  I just couldn’t move past any of it and that’s part of the reason I have been so scarce this last few months.  I mean who really wants to read one depressing post after another.  Now Uncle Ray has died too.  So in 8 months I have lost 4 people who meant the world to me.  I cut my hair a week or so before Uncle Ray died and when I did I let him go too.  His death has by far been easier for me than the others. Part of that is because he asked us to pray for God to take him, he was ready and I believed him.  Part of it is because in working thru the grief I had for the others I received clarity on his death as well. 

  I’m still trying to figure out what to do with it this short but in these 2 picture below it’s curly.

  Curly is something my hair does under protest and only with tons of mousse, hair spray, and other various torture devices like a curling iron hotter than the sun and multiple clips and pins.

  I was feeling pretty sassy in these 2 pictures, but to tell the truth it’s so much trouble that most of the time I just leave it straight. 

   

  While I am on this dual subject of grief and hair ( I know how weird that is…) 

  I would also like to thank each and every one of you for your condolences.  Believe me I remember who it was, who took the time to come by and offer those words of comfort.  They really mean a lot to me and that you haven’t been frightened away by my seeming never-ending grief and tragedy.  I appreciate it more than you know, that I could think of my xanga friends and know that I wasn’t as alone as I felt sometimes.  Laughing at what you wrote or just being able to read and comment with nothing else expected.  Grief is such a personal thing and while I do still feel sad, especially with Uncle Rays’ funeral today, I know there really is light at the end of the tunnel.  And I know that many of you understand exactly what I’m talking about and that even if you don’t you still support me.  For that I thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

   

   

  Native Americans in some Plains and Western tribes continue to place great spiritual value on their hair, cutting it only when they are in mourning.

  • 10:34 am
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