We have what I consider a really good international phone plan.  We pick any three countries in the world and we can call any land line in that country for 2.9 cents a minute. Not bad eh? However, if we call a cell phone its .29 cents a minute, so we really try to avoid cell phones.   I try not to get to crazy regardless of the good price, especially with the bad exchange rate but yesterday turned into ”reach out and touch someone” day.

I called my mama first but didn’t get an answer.

So next was my best friend from 7th grade.   T and I met the second day our family moved into town and we became so close that people thought we were sisters.  We’ve never lost touch and we are still each others biggest supporter thru thick and thin.  We haven’t seen each other since her and her daughters drove from Tennessee to my youngest daughters wedding which was 06/05/04 making it a date even mom can remember without to much trouble.  When she found out I’m heading home in Oct for a visit she immediately started planning on taking a Friday off from school and driving over to see me for a weekend.  She’s a third grade teacher and she adores her students so I feel special that she’s contemplating turning “her” kids over to a sub just so we can stay up all night laughing and talking. (Funny how teachers get about their kids)

Then I tried to call Cassie. She’s my neighbor with cancer. No answer, I felt a bit of panic but calmed myself down because there’s all kinds of reasons the phone might not be answered. So I reasoned with myself and figured I’d just keep trying and not worry. Though I have to be honest and admit that when my mom didn’t answer her phone I wasn’t worried, I was irritated. That shows the difference in my thinking when someone is terminal. Moms’ NOT sick so it’s “answer the phone mom”, Cassie is, so it’s “Oh God please, I hope everything is okay”.

Next up mom, again.  She answered and we had a really great visit. She’s planning on loading up her car and driving to see us too.  With flight time, layovers, and driving time from airport to home we’ll be traveling about 20 hours which coincidentally is about how long it will take my 77 year old mom to drive from Arizona to Arkansas.    It’s a little over 1300 miles from her house to ours and while I wish she would fly she doesn’t want to leave her puppies.  Darn stubborn old lady. She did say she was breaking it up into two days of travel so that’s good.

The next call was to my Aunt Pearl, she called us when mom was up in Oregon a couple of weeks ago and I got to talk to all three of the crazy sisters. At the time she was having several “good” days in a row and you could tell and we had a really wonderful visit.  So I figured I better call her since mom said that she only has a couple of weeks to a couple of months left on this Earth.  Uncle Ernie told me she was asleep but he said if she woke up and found out I had called and he didn’t wake her up she’d kill him.  She wasn’t having a good day but she was so happy that I had called. She said that her pain meds are keeping her out of pain and that the process of dying was boring. I asked her why her kids weren’t there to read to her or watch T.V. with her and she said she didn’t want to bother them. I don’t know my Oregon cousins well but let me tell you if my mama had terminal stomach cancer they would have to pry me from her side with a crowbar.  But I don’t walk in their shoes so maybe they are doing exactly as much as they are able, emotionally and physically.  Also I know that the meds are messing with her at least some because she told me she hadn’t talked to my mama since she left and I had just talked to mom and she told me she calls at least every third day, so maybe Aunt Pearl doesn’t remember.   We didn’t cry as much this time so maybe we are both getting more used to the idea that everytime we talk it might be the last time.  The hardest was when she asked if we were coming to Oregon. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that while we are coming home to Arkansas there’s no way we can also fly out to Oregon too.

Here’s a question for you. What would you say if every single time you talked to someone it could be the last time?  I’ll call her again next Sat. and that conversation could once again be our last. Or there’s a possibility that last nights conversation was our last, because the truth is she’s on borrowed time.

I tried Cassie again.  I was in the process of leaving a message on their answering machine when Pete picked up. They were outside and hadn’t heard the phone.  Pete gave me the latest prognosis. She has two separate types of cancer and while treating the cancer in her glands the more agressive tumor in her lung grew from 3cm to 9cm and the biggest tumor in her groin grew from 2 cm to 7cm. she was given a few weeks to a few months. (Deja Vu)  I choked down the lump in my throat and when Pete gave the phone to her she was sitting in the sunshine of an early fall day with her daughter Kit Kat and enjoying a beautiful day. She was having a great day despite Fridays bad news and we talked for over a half hour.  I again asked her if she wanted me to come home early and again she said she would wait for me.  She doesn’t want either of us to see or hear her like she is now but she told me these three years without us was all she could handle and she wanted to see us one more time before she went. We’ve known each other for 15 years and one way or another we will handle it and we will give our dear, dear friend and neighbor what she wants. We’ve been thru so much with each other and it just  hurts that one of the most generous and kind people I know has to go this way.  (Last week the call was not as energetic or pain free)

Now you might think that after talking to my Aunt Pearl and Cassie I was really down and depressed but I’m just so grateful every single time I get to talk to them and tell them how much they have meant to me. I try to tell each of them a new thing that I remember that they did or said that touched my life or changed me in a positive way. I try to mail both of them a little card each week so that they know I really am thinking about them and really do care.  I try to make them laugh with some goofy thing we did together or in Aunt Pearls’ case, caught me doing as a child.  I try to bring a little bit of positive into this horribly negative situation.  And above all I try to keep in the fore front of my brain that this isn’t about me and I need to be strong for these strong women. They aren’t dead yet and it would be foolish and demean them both if all I focus on was their imminant demise instead of the life they still have to live.  So while I do cry, I’m sad and that can’t be helped, I also try to not taint my remaining time with them. So I don’t try to make false futures of good times, I try to help both of them remember all the people they have helped and touched over the years. Especially easy in these two cases since Cassie was an emergency room nurse and has helped to save countless lives over the years and so has literally affected thousands of lives. And my aunt Pearl had an open door policy at her home and kept countless people off the streets because of her generous nature. I try to not let them forget when they feel as though they are alone that they aren’t and we are supporting them as much as we are able.

To answer my own question…..

What would you say to someone if every single time you talked to someone it could be the last time? Here’s my answer.

I Love You.

all links in blue

randumbassness in black

Not being content to wash my husbands’ ballpoint pen and outrageously priced tiny flashlight, this week I went for broke and washed his wallet.  The part that’s really bad is I checked all his pockets….2 in the front and 2 in the back.  I missed the pocket halfway down the thigh on the left side.    Normally he empties his pockets himself, this after I ruined his $20. penlight that he needs to get in the nooks and crannies of a C-21. I felt so bad about that one that I gave him mine.  In all fairness to the maker of the $20. penlight it did last thru 3 or 4 washes.  The wallet however is ruined after wash number one.  You know how leather gets gummy when it’s wet for a long time….yeah, it does and my washer is one of those little bitty hardcore European machines so this wallet is clean, clean and completely ruined.  Everything is kind of warped looking.  The only thing inside that got ruined enough to really worry about was his Euro, it came out almost dyed looking and with the exchange rate being what it is we are taking it to the bank pronto.  To give everyone an idea of the exchange rate, right now one Euro will buy $1.49 in American, give or take a penny on any given day.   So for example you rent a hotel room for a romantic night away from home. The hotel cost 80 Euro, in dollar terms that’s about $115.  $35 more. That’s not even adding in the fees that the bank charges to do the exchange.  (This exchange rate is at our bank, a bank in the states or another country might give you a different rate and charge different fees. Also it changes on a daily basis, literally.)

We get paid in dollars we pay our rent in Euro…ouch.  I now solemnly promise to double check ALL pockets even though he also promised the same thing.

I can’t focus. I’m pretty sure that’s why everything is getting done half-assed.  Patty Loveless had this great song a few years ago, “I Try To Think About Elvis.” and even though in the song she’s trying to avoid thinking about a guy, this song fits me perfectly. I just can’t concentrate. Actually I’m not really sure what I should be concentrating on, so that might be part of the problem.  “

C’mon Liz, get it together….” 

It is now official, I’m flying home on Oct. 24 and Barry flies in on Nov. 3 we fly back home (Germany) on Nov. 17. For Barry this will be his first trip back to the states in over three years. For me 13 months.  We are excited.  (That’s a mild understatement)  While I’m there for the 10 days he isn’t, I’m going to try and get our house completely emptied out and ALL the rest of our stuff put into storage.  I’m going to be a packing machine. After all I might as well put to good use all the experience I’ve had over the last three years and 5 moves.  We meet with our contractor/builder when Bear gets there and then the house renovation begins.  New floors inside and new central heat and air, new siding outside, just to start.  Our builder happens to be a family friend who has already worked on our house before, so we know each other really well.  He and Barry tore the roof off the vaulted ceiling, they raised it 4 feet and changed the pitch.  Now we have a loft/library and another bedroom up there.  For about 2 weeks during that period we had no roof over the middle part of the house and every day I prayed it wouldn’t rain.  Arkansas in August so naturally it didn’t…much.  (When they finally got the roof back on it seemed closed in, it didn’t take long to get used to all that openness.) I’ll take pictures of the house while I’m home and that might clear up any confusion, lol.

We went to the Lamplighter’s Bazaar on Saturday out at the post.  They had two aircraft hangars filled with vendors from all over the area. crystal, rugs, wine, handmade French soaps, Belgium chocolate, Pottery, paintings, antique furniture etc, etc.  Some of it was priced outrageously. For instance the Kaefer Porzellanhaus, a kitchen speciality store, was there from Sohren.  Lisa had driven me up there when we still lived in Lampertheim and I bought a set of Marc Aurel crystal glasses and 2 sets of WMF speciality spoons.(egg and ice cream)  At the store I paid about 12 dollars per set of 6 spoons, at the bazaar the same spoons were 21.95.  I really feel bad for anyone who bought knives or spoons at their booth.(edit: okay, not feeling near as bad as I did, I looked online and these spoons are high priced, I found 2 spoons for 11.95 online and that was about all I found, this proves out the old adage about going to the source.)   I was going to replace the water glass Barry had broken but we changed our minds when we realized we could just drive over there and pay half price and have a nice drive as a bonus.   (Mmm, retail therapy) Also at the store they take VAT forms so we don’t have to pay the almost 20% value added tax and they speak English so well that your not embarrassed to be speaking your broken German.  (Yes, my German is still broken.)  They have Villeroy and Boch caffe sets that make me happy to see them, they are funky and colorful, but I doubt I’ll ever pony up the money to get them. We drink our coffee out of plain ol’ mugs and in 25 years we’ve never needed a little plate or fancy cup and spoon, so since they would run about $30. per plate and cup I think I can do without that particular bit of cheerfulness. 

I hope no one was waiting for me to get to a point, any point…..in case you haven’t figured it out yet this blog is pointless.  Concentrate people! Keep up here!

Dolce reminded me of something today.  Every year as Autumn comes whipping around the corner the vineyards turn into a riot of colors, for three years I’ve been trying to get photos and for three years I forget my camera at home when we leave the house. This year we have moved right into the heart of the Rhine wine growing region so all I have to do is hop on my bicycle and peddle to the vineyards. This year when they start turning I’ll be ready!   (I hope these don’t turn into famous last words)

We had a really nice visit with Allie and Brian.  I think Bear and Brian got along really well for a first time meeting. They didn’t have the chance for any long father/future son-in-law talks but he fits in very well with our family.   We make each other laugh and that is always a good thing.  Bear has a very dry sense of humor that some people don’t get but Brian does, this is a good thing.  I think that the nervousness that Brian was feeling at meeting his future father-in-law went away pretty quickly when he saw that I wasn’t kidding about Bear being more of the teddy than the grizzly variety of bear.  Though in all honesty when the grizzly does make an appearance we all duck and cover. 

We went to the zoo in Frankfurt the day before they left. The weather was gorgeous and way to pretty to be inside. Of course it was packed for that very reason. We all feel fall weather coming and everyone here knows that winter is coming on fast, so we have very few nice days left to enjoy. 

Fun stuff I’m telling you.  They are building a huge new monkey house, though I think the technical name is probably Primate House. In my family we pretty much lump them all together and say ‘Let’s go see the Monkeys.”  Building a new house is a good idea since there are babies everywhere. They have baby Orangs, Bonobos, baboons and chimps and those are just the ones I saw.

This is one of the baby baboons, though he/she isn’t the smallest.   That one was WAY in the back and I couldn’t get a clear picture.

The teenage bonobo was the most entertaining last time Bear and I went to the zoo. He was having a fit because the newest baby was getting bottled fed and he was clearly having some jealousy/rivalry issues.   This time it was the teenage Orangutan.  We think he was having a snit too. He came out of the indoor house to the outside part of the cage, went as close as he could get to the bars squatted down, stuck his bottom lip out as far as it would go, hunched his shoulders and pouted. I swear he was pouting.  He also began begging….for French Fries. Which to my horror some kids obligingly tossed to him.  Good job kids, see the “Please don’t feed the animals” sign?  The nutritionist is probably having fits over his eating habits.

Interesting sidenote, the spell checker had an alternative suggestions to Bonobo.  They were Beanba, bunyip and pinup.  Hmm? No thanks.

Happy hump day peeps. I’m off to ride the lovely Lolly B in lieu of mopping the floors.

I am so excited, Allie is arriving tonight and once again I get to hug my kid, that is a double w00t situation. 

No surgery for me. Yay! The ENT said that I have plenty of room to breath, there’s no polyps, though one of my turbinates is blue. Blue?  The infection seems to be under control or gone and now all I need to do is go see an allergist. Once I have the allergy testing done we can figure out a way to get my (apparent) allergic rhinitis under control.  It’s a lot like having the flu for three months, thankfully without throwing up on top of all the rest.  But it looks like the end is in sight and just getting rid of the infection has helped my energy level soar.  Like I said yay!

Yesterday was my 2 year anniversary!  As of yesterday I have NOT smoked over 25,000 cigarettes. Yes you read that right, if I still smoked as much as I used to…. in 2 years it is over 25,000 cigarettes and over 4,000 dollars. And that’s the price from when I quit not current price which I’m sure has gone up in the past 2 years.  Sin taxes and all. If your quitting or you have been quit for a while and want to know where your stats are here’s an easy way to find out.  http://www.quitmeter.com/index.php  You type in your quit date how much you smoke or smoked per day and how much your price per pack is, hit calculate and it will tell you down to the second and the cent how long and how much. Between me and Bear man together we have not spent over 7000 dollars on cigarettes. Quite the little savings.  In case your wondering if we really have put that into saving??? Well sort of, I stash away a little money every day, I call it my quit money, then I spend it.  We went to Rome for three days on our 24th anniversary, that was the first big thing. Then I started saving it again and me and my daughter Allie took that week long trip to Ireland where she met her honey Brian. And then as you all know I took my youngest daughter Emily to Paris for three days. Now I know if we didn’t live so close we wouldn’t be able to do all that on that amount of money but we fly cattle air (ryanair link, go play.) and I bargain for cheap hotel rooms and we don’t eat at 4 star restaurants. So that’s what I’ve done with our “saving”.  Believe me I like that better than being a slave to an addiction.  Even though I haven’t saved a penny of money.  The trick is not touching the money no matter how bad you want to and then actually spending it on what you set out to, sounds easier than it is in reality.  

First cigarette money trip

One of those places that everyone needs to see at least once. Even if you have to take a second mortgage.  We went for our anniversary but we landed in Rome the day before my birthday. Which that year fell on Good Friday. Not being Catholic we didn’t think about the implications of being in Rome over Easter weekend on the one year anniversary of Pope John-Paul II death.  The crowds were horrendous as was the heat but even with that, both of us still look at the pictures and say we need to go back and see more.  And there is ALWAYS more to see. Rome has more culture and history laying on the ground than most places have in museums. 

On our 24th annie.

This was the second cigarette trip.  July 2006

Bear let me take Allison to Ireland and roam around.  Little did I know that Allie and Brian would fall for each other in less than a week. See what happens when you put two singletons in a car for a week They get bored and start plotting.  I could see they had a thing for each other pretty quickly but I really had no idea the depth of their feelings.  Here it is a year and some months later and now they are engaged and Allie lives in Galway with her Irish soul mate. See those Irish eyes a smilin’?  They laughed all week and have been laughing ever since.  If nothing else came of coming over here to live and work in Germany this one thing makes it all worth while. there is nothing in the world like seeing your children content. Brian and American Allie are perfect for each other and we never would have known if I hadn’t quit smoking….funny when you think about it like that.

Ah, gay Paree…..

Is it even possible to talk about Paris without falling into paroxysms of cliches?

I know of one cliche that we never saw or met.  We were there for 3night/4days and never saw or talked to one rude Parisian.  Every single person we met or talked to was not only friendly and helpful but they were polite and thrilled that we loved Paris as much as we all did.  I looked and listened to people all around us and I’m telling you that cliche about rude Paris is way overstated. Katie said “you get back what you put out” and maybe that’s true.  I find I love the Parisians as much as I loved Paris and really isn’t that the way it should be?  I’ve never been to New York city I wonder if I would find that there?

By the way driving in Paris is crazy, I had less trouble driving on the wrong side of the road on the wrong side of the car in Ireland than I did helping Mike navigate around Paris, traffic is insane.  But what a thrill to be able to say you drove all over Paris.

I now have 4 friends trying to quit smoking, all 4 live stateside so I know that in 2 years you can’t save enough money to do those three trips but it certainly won’t hurt to make a goal and try to save for that.  I saved a dollar a day at first then 2 and I did my best not to ever touch it unless it was to put in the bank.  I know I never came close to putting away all the money I smoked in the last 30 years but i’m trying to make up for that in a better quality of life….rofl  I’m with you* in spirit.

*read the linked blog, it says more succintly and honestly what a smoker thinks and feels than anything i’ve read in a long time.

We went to Aachen for a craft fair. We didn’t stay long but it was a really nice day and I was glad to escape the house for an afternoon.  This fountain is right on the edge of old town if you ever go there.  Just steps from the cathedral.  I wouldn’t mind having this in my yard either.  Remember the first yard ornament I want is the head from Stuttgart, now that is awesome. But these are yard worthy too, I would put Koi in the fountain and make sure that the middle is at least 2′ deep so they would have a happy home even in the Winter.

The guy from Stuttgart in case you forgot what he looked like.

Now onto pictures from the crafter fair in Aachen.

All of them should be “click to make larger” but who knows with xanga. I have issues with their photo uploader as well as the way the pictures are put onto blogs, but since I haven’t heard anyone else say anything maybe it’s just me.   

Anyway, the craft fair was filled with people from all over germany as well as a couple of booths from out of country. There was a booth from Toledo, Spain making Damascene gold which brought back a well of emotion seeing the pieces as well as seeing the pictures of Spain. When we lived in Spain in the early 90s we bought some Damascene pieces that I still have. I wondered what would bring them all that way just for a weekend and then I found out that besides being a sister city to Toledo Ohio in the states Toledo is also a sister city to Aachen.  So it sort of makes sense that they would utilize that connection.  Another booth was from Poland and they had quilts, I didn’t get a decent picture of them but they were different from what you might see in the states as far as texture and patterns go, but they were still beautiful.  There was a leather worker from Czech as well as an amber dealer. I love amber beads but I just can’t make myself spend that kind of money on a necklace that won’t get daily ware.  Last time we were in Prague though Bear bought me a beautiful little cross of silver and Czech garnets.  Did any of you know that the Czech Republic is famous for Amber and Garnets? Me neither, not until I went there anyway.   Of all the things there and all the walking we did I saw many things that were well worth the money being asked for them but I try to keep in mind that not only do I have to dust them but I also have to ship them to the States when we go home, that or give it away.  So the only thing I bought was a hand made Italian leather change purse that is also big enough to carry a credit card or ID card. It has 2 slots, I can carry American change in one and Euro in the other so it’s perfect for my needs.

The next best thing about any fair of any type is the food. We decided before we left home that we were going to eat lunch in Aachen and we did….

We split an order of fried mashed potatos w/ applesauce at one booth a roasted krauderbrot at another and a slice of dark chocolate truffle cake and fresh ground coffee from the last. We literally ate our way around the fair. It was great and we didn’t feel to full. I took one bite of the cake and Barry grinned and said uhoh a Matrix moment, I nearly choked on my cake I was laughing so hard.  I really need to learn to make that kind of cake.

Now that’s cake!

I hope everyone had a good three day holiday even if you didn’t get to go anywhere or do much.