December 19, 2006
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Scrooge Here
Not that I’m Scrooge in real life. I mean I don’t go around town saying
“Bah Humbug” to little kids or make them run crying to their mommies.
But damn, I really miss having what I consider a normal Christmas.
This will be our third Christmas that we haven’t had any family or
presents or decorations of any kind including a tree. It makes me
incredibly sad. The logical part of me doesn’t want to buy decorations
only to get attached to them and then have to decide whether to leave
them behind or spend the money and mail them back to the states when we
leave Germany. (We have already accumulated to much.) The
illogical part says its not just a bunch of decorations, its a state of
mind. And along with missing my family I feel like I’m missing the best
aspect of Christmas too. The exchange of goodwill as well as well
as gifts bought from the heart, the kind of gift that you didn’t ask
for. I’m sure that I’m missing all kinds of bad stuff too. Like
the shop ’til you drop mentality that’s becoming so pervasive
everywhere.
Will I someday look back on this time of my life and think it was all
worth it or will I look back and wish we had never come? No one can
answer that and maybe that’s a good thing. After all would we ever risk
anything if we knew the outcome beforehand. There is so much I enjoy
about being here and it really is a wonderful opportunity, but oh the
trade offs!Did I ever tell you we lived in Spain for 2 1/2 years. We did. In a
small town called Loeches. I will never forget the first time someone
said to me “Speak Spanish, your in Spain.” Now it’s “Speak
German, your in Germany.” Did I ever tell you I have never
thought I had a facility for languages? Have I ever mentioned how
isolated I feel, to be trying to make friends and the only thing your
able to do is sit there quietly while they laugh and chatter around
you. It’s not that anyone is trying to be rude. And it isn’t as if we
didn’t ask for this, but at times like Christmas it gets pretty
hard. Then when I ask for friends to email and they claim to be SO busy I’m torn between understanding and the thought that the truth is they just aren’t making me a priority in their life. Should they? It’s not their fault I’m lonely.So here I am. In all my whiny glory. Not Scrooge and not The Grinch.
But definitely some kind of cartoon character. Waiting for Christmas to
end. And the funny thing is, I’m still ready to have Christmas pop out
of the box and smack me in the face with a pie full of good
cheer. Wish it would hurry up! In the meantime…..
Frohliche Weihnachten in German
or
Merry Christmas
or
if I remember correctly
Feliz Navidad
Comments (9)
…and Joyeux Noël, should you ever end up in France.
I’m sorry the holidays are making you sad.
I would have probably bought a little tabletop tree just so I could have *something* festive around the house. Must be very hard to be away from family and friends. I hope you manage to find some joy in the season, and know that your xanga buds are thinking fondly of you. xo
‘wish you could be in California for Christmas instead… we could commiserate.
That would be really hard. I’d be lonely too. Feel free to email me anytime.
Poor Mom! We all love you! *big hugs*
I agree with Myki … you should come to California!
I know just how you feel. I remember my Christmas in Taiwan … it was so, so lonely. Like a dork I opened all of my presents from home the minute I got them and then totally regretted it on Christmas morning. I tried to just sleep through Christmas day, but I was awakened by my homestay mom bright and early when she came in the room to mop and dust, handing me a pair of my homestay brother/student’s old underwear so I could participate. After that, I sat alone in my room and ate my can of cranberry sauce that I had managed to find at the foreign food store. In the evening I participated in the one Christmas tradition prevalent in Taiwan … all night dancing. No … I have no idea how that originated.
I remember that I just kept telling myself that at least I would get to experience Chinese New Year, but that was even lonelier because everyone was with their families and all the shops were closed. Hmmm … not making things better, am I? And I haven’t even told you about the year I had Chef Boyardee ravioli and strawberry Qwik from Store 24 for Thanksgiving dinner!
Well, I think you should do something totally kooky and unusual on Christmas … just to make it memorable for something other than homesickness. Maybe a sauerkraut bath? Or caroling in your lederhosen? Or maybe even all night dancing!
In the meantime, you are in my thoughts more often than you know.
And I am sending happy vibes in your direction. Hey, speaking of sending, I still need to know if your address is the same. I have a few goodies to send … the kind of goodies you won’t have to send home when you return. 
Let me know when you have a chance.
Make your Christmas the best you can, with what you have! So glad to hear from you! Have the Happiest of Holidays ever-much love to you.
I went thru years of holiday sadness because a family member died right around Christmas. I think I am finally coming around. Do your best.
i know i really don’t know you, but.. jeremey does… so… um… i descided to comment… … … i hope you have the best holiday that you possibly can.. i have had to force myself to decorate this year after losing mom… my thoughts are with you…
I’m so sorry that you’re feeling somewhatlonely this Christmas – - just remember all the things you DO have.
All the best to you this Christmas, my friend, and for a happy and healthy 2007!
Cheers!!