The good thing about no-one commenting on my little story is I didn’t get critic fever…the bad thing is it makes me wonder exactly who is reading my log?  If I didn’t have kids I wouldn’t have anything at all.  You go girls!!!!!!!

Since I spent a lot of time writing this, I figured I might as well share.  It’s not finished and to tell the truth it might not ever get finished.  Especially if people pick it to death.  After all I’m sensitive and I’d like to stay that way.

     My mountains are rugged, high waterfalls cascade through deep chasms. Trees of all kind, Aspen, Oak, Myrtle, Elm, there are more than I can name here.  Gems and minerals abound though none are mine.  Their value doesn’t matter, not to me.  Everything I need is in these mountains, it is home.  However this is not where I started.  I began in a mountain ringed city.  

     My name is Moira Myandred, my fathers name is Vishmar and my mothers Andromeda.  They met in Inhoven where they were raised.  My grandfather is a wheelright and he and grandmother Myandred live above their business.  It’s not a rich trade but they never starved.  My mothers parents, also from Inhoven, sell leather, cloth and fur.  My parents own a dry goods store.  Candles, torches, packs, waterskins, compasses, everything a housewife, the adventurer or ordinary traveller would need.   I had an older brother, he died in a hunting accident.  I have a younger brother still living.  He, as my parents say, was the “happy accident”.  No replacement for my dead brother, but he does ease my parents grief somewhat.

     When I was two hundred my parents sent me to the druids to be tested for strengths.  My parents were honored and the druids shocked when I tested high in druidic abilities.  They all expected another tradesman in a long line of tradespeople.  For two hundred and fifty human years I studied with the druids.  As apprentices go I was not the brightest nor the dullest.  Some things came quickly like healing.  Some came slower like wilderness lore and knowledge of nature.  Mainly because I was raised in town and not used to such things.  I had spent most of my younger years inside shops of one kind or another.  

     Oddly enough, even though I was not raised around animals, I am empathic with them and usually able to handle most.  That is if they have any intelligence.  Did you know turkeys are so stupid that if a surprise rain comes they will look up until they drown.  It’s very hard to be empathetic to that kind of creature.

     The first time I bonded with an animal I was fishing at the bottom of a waterfall.  I was knee deep in a quiet pool tickling fish onto the riverbank.  I glanced up to see a bear cub at the edge of the forest watching me.  I could sense he was afraid and when I stepped closer to shore I could see he was starving.  With matted fur and dull eyes he started to turn and run.  I reached out with my heart and mind and sent soothing tones to him.  He stopped and turned back to me.  We spent the next  month on the banks of the river getting to know and trust each other.  We then spent the next eighty years learning and growing together.  When he died of old age, fat and sassy, I grieved so deeply my druid teachers despaired of my recovery.  They spent a year trying to reason with me and after that sent me home.  Two years later I was well enough in heart and mind to return to my studies.  It was a further twenty five years before I bonded again.  This time it was a wolf.  She lived fifty years and when she too died I had her daughter to help assuage my grief.  We mourned together and healed together, and as a result we too bonded.  She lived a remarkable eighty years and by the time she died I was through with my apprenticeship. 

     After I left school, I left civilization.  My teachers had taught me an appreciation of the mountains and I roamed them freely.  Spending years learning their secrets and delving their mysteries.  I know where gems and gold are and I know where the best wild mushrooms grow.  I would rather have the gems in the mountain and the mushrooms in my belly.  It’s where they both belong. 

That’s all I have for now…like I said it’s not finished and may not ever be but hope you like it. 

The reason I wanted to know is so I could tell you about the VERY bizarre dream I had.

Now remeber this is a dream:

I had a huge papa san in the corner of the living room only instead of being set up like a chair it looked like a great big bowl.  I got into it and then couldn’t get out.  It kept getting bigger and deeper and then it started filling with cold macaroni.  So there I am stuck in this great big bowl of noodles with no way out. 

Analyze that one…lol

So who wanted the Papa San chair Allie or Em????

hip, hip hooray it’s Friday.  Today was an absolutely crappy day at work.  I am so glad that I have the next two days off.  I told Judy, my boss, that if today had been Monday By Thurs. I would have quit.  She knows eaxactly how I feel, she didn’t have such a great day either.  Now it’s time for a nice long hot shower and a whole weekend of chilling out. TGIF!!!!

Some Strengths which Bashful may exhibit in a Group Meeting:

• Does well in a focused and structured environment where the task at hand is clear.
  
• Highly observant
  
• Compelled to help others in need and are very sensitive to other people’s feelings
  
• Hard working, warm, and generous
  
• Particularly in tune with their senses – observing, hearing, feeling what is going on in the meeting
  
• Very accepting of other’s viewpoints.
  
• Tends to be traditional and conservative.
  
• Remembers facts and details.
  
• Does well when paired up with another person.

How do you know when you have a Bashful in your meeting?

• Looks shy
  
• May actually blush when spoken to
  
• May avoid eye contact, look down, bow their head a little bit
  
• May avoid looking at group leader, hoping not to be called on.
  
• May try to hide in the middle of the group
  
• Generally quiet
  
• Waits to hear others’ views before expressing his or hers

Some Difficult Behaviors which Bashful may exhibit in a Group Meeting:

• Sometimes speaks in a muffled voice; hard to hear
  
• Will not express opinoins unless called upon
  
• Expresses incomplete opinions and allows others to finish sentances
  
• Waits to hear everyone else’s ideas and then may change what is written on their paper (seeks to conform)

Assumed Feelings Underlying BOTH Strengths and Weaknesses for Bashful:

• May be afraid of being exposed and/or humiliated
  
• May believe he or she has some socially unacceptable secret
  
• May feel ashamed
  
• May not have had enough experience being listened to carefully. May have grown up in an environment where their talk was not encouraged. Feels it is inappropriate to talk or take center stage.

How to Leverage Bashful Strengths:

• In the initial go-round, ask an easy question which guarantees a correct response, “How long did it take to get here” What’s your pet’s name? How many siblings do you have?? This creates a quick sense of confidence in being able to give the right answer.
  
• Pair them with another person – they come out of their introverted style somewhat when they are paired up with another person that they have to help
  
• Give them time to jot down their reactions before calling upon them (so they can prepare a non-embarrassing response) Ask them to read what they wrote (vs. paraphrase.)
  
• Ask them what they have observed in the group (since they have probably been busy collecting facts).
  
• To reduce their anxiety, stress the fact that you will be addressing the issues in a structured, organized manner. (Review the outline or discussion guide for the group with them to the extent possible)
  
• Give them recognition for their attention to detail and recall of facts
  
• Avoid asking them to respond in an impromptu manner
  
• If you can anticipate that your target will have a number of Bashfuls, you might consider giving them a homework assignment so that they can think through the subject at hand before attending the research (e.g., discussion on the use of tampons.)

Potential Interventions to Diffuse Bashful Problems:

• When any hint of an embarrassing feeling or thought is admitted, Universalize!, “That’s interesting because, lots of people have said that.?
  
• Acknowledge that many topics are embarrassing to discuss
  
• Be sensitive to non-verbal cues, probe gently rather than pushing for more, pause in your speech and listen compassionately
  
• Encourage with touch (back of chair, not body … to feel presence but not be intimidated)
  
• Ask Bashful to read a response verbatim (a no risk participatory behavior)
  
• Give praise
  
• Stand to his right (this is often experienced as supportive).

General Description of Bashful Personality:

Bashfuls are warm and kind-hearted, and want to believe the best in people. They value harmony and cooperation, and are likely to be very sensitive to other people’s feelings. Bashfuls have a highly active fertile inner world that is not usually obvious to observers. They are constantly taking in information about people and situations that is personally important to them, and storing it for later use. This tremendous store of knowledge is usually amazingly accurate, because the Bashful personality has an exceptional memory about things that are important to their value systems. Some Bashfuls have been known to recall a particular facial expression or conversation in precise detail years after the event occurred, if the situation made an impression on Bashful.

In a meeting, Bashful tends to keep a low profile. While very quiet and unlikely to make eye contact with the leader, Bashful is fully participating, taking everything in. He doesn’t miss a beat with regard to sights, sounds and senses. Bashful is very conscious that his criticisms of other people or their ideas can hurt their feelings, and if asked for feedback regarding another person will steadfastly refrain from unnecessary criticism.

Bashfuls have a very clear idea of the way things should be, which they strive to attain. They value kindness, and respect traditions and laws. They tend to believe that existing rules are there because they work. Therefore, they’re not likely to buy into doing things in a new way, unless they’re shown in a concrete way why it’s better than the established method.

Bashfuls learn through their senses more than books. They watch and practice to master what they need to do, more so than taking information in through academic means. They value practical application. Traditional methods of higher education, which require a lot of theorizing and abstraction, are likely to be a chore for Bashful.

Bashfuls are loyal and dependable. They believe in and follow time honored traditions. They may come from strict religious upbringings and while they may no longer adhere to the doctrines in a routinized manner, they follow the spirit of the law.

Bashfuls have an artistic sense or appreciation. They have a well-developed sense of space, function, and aesthetic appeal. This special ability, combined with their sensitivity to other’s feelings and desires, makes them very likely to be great gift-givers – finding the right gift which will be truly appreciated by the recipient.

More so than other types, Bashfuls are attuned to their own internal feelings, as well as other people’s feelings. They do not usually express their own feelings, keeping things inside. If they are negative feelings, they may build up inside Bashfuls until they turn into firm judgments against individuals which are difficult to unseed, once set. Bashfuls need to learn to express themselves, and find outlets for their powerful emotions. Under the apparent calm is a passionate person.

Just as Bashfuls are not likely to express their feelings, they are also not likely to let on that they know how others are feeling. However, they will speak up when they feel another individual really needs help, and in such cases they can truly help others become aware of their feelings.

Bashfuls feel a strong sense of responsibility and duty. They take their responsibilities very seriously, and can be counted on to follow through. For this reason, people naturally tend to rely on them. Bashfuls have a difficult time saying “no” when asked to do something, and may become over-burdened. In such cases, Bashfuls do not usually express their difficulties to others, because they intensely dislike conflict, and because they tend to place other people’s needs over their own. Bashfuls need to learn to identify, value, and express their own needs, if they wish to avoid becoming over-worked and taken for granted.

Bashfuls need positive feedback from others. In the absence of positive feedback, or in the face of criticism, they become discouraged, and may even become depressed. When down on themselves or under great stress, Bashfuls begin to imagine all of the things that might go critically wrong in their life. They have strong feelings of inadequacy, and become convinced that “everything is all wrong”, or “I can’t do anything right”.

Bashfuls are warm, generous, and dependable. They have many special gifts to offer, in their sensitivity to others, and their strong ability to keep things running smoothly. They need to remember to not be overly critical of themselves, and to give themselves some of the warmth and love which they freely dispense to others. http://www.snowwhitetest.com

There are several songs running through my mind.  Kind of like Allison and Michaels’ mice.  I never know where they come from and I never know how long they will stay.  Two seem to have taken up permanent residence in my brain and no matter what I do they won’t completely go away.  I get a break every now and then and will hear, briefly, another song. Then it’s right back to one of the two stuck originals.  The only thing that’s keeping me from going completely insane is that they are both excellant songs.  Beautiful music and incredible lyrics. 

The first to get stuck is Breathing by Life house:

“I am hanging on every word you say, and even if you don’t wannna speak tonight that’s allright, allright with me.  Cause I want nothing more than sit outside heavens’ door and listen to you breathing, it’s where I want to be. ”

The second piece is Kiss from a Rose by Seal:

“There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea.  You became the light on the dark side of me.            Love remained a drug that’s the high not the pill.      But did you know, that when it snows,  my eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.                                                                I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.”

Now, all of this is well and good and wouldn’t be a problem except I spend a lot of time alone or doing things that don’t require any effort of thought.  This leaves the brain wide open for musical onslaught.  And these two songs are slaughtering my brain.

I guess it could be worse it could be something like ring around the rosie or Blue by Leann Rhymes.  When I worked at the grocery store they had lovely canned music and I got to hear Blue three times an hour for nine hours a day.  Management claimed that it was so popular at the time that when people heard it over the speakers they slowed their shopping time down which in turn means more time in the store and translates into more purchases, and a happier shopping experience.  So when you hear a good song in a store remember that little thought.  It’s all geared toward a certain market.  anyway I digress…back to music.

The song that this week is giving me a small break from the other two is; 

Soak up the Sun by Sheryl Crow:

I’m gonna soak up the sun, I’m gonna  tell everyone to lighten up.                                                   I’m gonna tell ‘em that I’ve got no-one to blame every time I feel lame I’m looking up.

I don’t have digital, I don’t have diddly squat.       It’s not having what you want, it’s wanting what you’ve got.

So here I am on my day off torturing myself with music and silly me I could be torturing myself with cleaning the house or doing laundry or cleaning toilet bowls…ad naseum.  just pick one. 

Thought for the day…If June Cleaver had a computer she would have had a dirty house and her furniture wouldn’t be so shiny.

Okay, I have come to a conclusive truth about myself drum roll please…..I am a Xanga voyeur.  I would much rather stroll through the pages of other peoples lives and randomly comment and drop e-props than post about my own boring life.